i dont understand.

i went shopping yesterday. for MYSELF.
my goodself.
instead i ended with 5 nice new t-shirt for him. instead of me!
i was thinking of getting him a trench coat, too.

what the hell is wrong with me?

and this happened 3 times already. he realised it.


is it me or am i placing him above me now?
like it seems huh. he matters not me.
really, its spontaneous that it left me clueless now.




last night we manage to talk during Yes Man , we shud've watched twilight again i know.
and i kept asking him question, strange ones.

"what can i do to make you more happier than now?" -he said nothing (damn i was so angry)
"please tell me what can i do to make you the happiest man in this world, do u need me to tone my figure, change the way i dress what what tell me," i was freaking out i swear they could've hear me. -he said NOTHING, loudly.


what the fuck is wrong with me.

and he goes on telling stuffs about OUR past, the time he in NS and i hurt him. i know i was sorry back then but now, Now when he reminded me again, i don't understand. UP TILL THIS MORNING, i feel like shit.
shit for hurting him.


he seemed sth very fragile to me now.








****


on and on we would pause in the middle of anything and either of us would scream
"EH I AM GOING TO BE YOUR WIFE/HUSBAND"
and both our heart felt like its gonna explode.
we're tooooooo excited now.


3 more months. 3 freaking month.


we talked about how we met, and we realise how CLEARLY it was meant to be. i know! its so repetitive of me. but we cant help it! sorry lol.
he said that the first time he saw me while he was swimming in Sentosa, as i walked passed him with Aida & Fid he said the first thing he noticed was me! cause i was wearing a yellow bright bag. but he said after that he looked away like YOU know who cares, ahuh!

and if he didnt TURN LEFT (we always said that A LOT), if he were to turn right on that night while i was sitted DRUNK at the monkey show playground-we wouldnt be here!
if he didnt TURN LEFT. the scene at the shore was seriusly the last.

if i hadnt force fid to go Sentosa,
i was the one who suggested the idea to go Sentosa that Sunday morning.

AND SO DOES DEAN. HE ACTUALLY FORCED HIS FRIEND TO GO SENTOSA TOO!
like we can feel the power that God push us to confront each oth. it is miracle,


oh my god!





really dunno why.

dean seem to smile alot last night. it felt, really warm.
his words were gentle and soft,
his eyes were brighter than before. Like stars.
i shrunk everytime i was next to him.

like first love


and and oh my god, last night he entered my room!
so embarrassing.
my mum asked him to!
oh no!
cos, he have to fixed my (OUR) light bowl and paint my room (we're gg for Champagne-elegance, ya watever). so my mum told him to check out my room.
and my clothes were all over the floor
my ugly old teddies were everywhere its so embarrassing,i mite shoot myself then!


3 more months you know.

we had so many crazy plans.
take up french class tg
start a band (OMG!)
YA, he asked me to learn baking dunno why, he want me to open a bakery , like that is ever gonna happen!
GO HOME LATE everyday cos mama aint gonna nag no more!




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.
.
.
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i think im gonna wipe my tears now


cheers
me