It sudden stumbled upon me the first time I saw dean. How clearly it was planned for us to meet. Though, the vision was abruptly blurred by the high volume of alcohol flowing through my skin.
The state of confused led me out on the wrong track. Love was never serenity in my eyes. The way I got hurt from that previous chapter brings me to the end of all hope. Suicide. Alcohol. Betrayal. Anger. Insanity. Runs through my blood with ferocious rush.
That full moon night. The hope seems thinner than before as I stared in a daze of alcohol. I rolled myself on the dirty sand at Sentosa all alone whispering painful questions to myself. "Where am i?"
My fellowship picked me up and brought more tigers and liquors from 7-eleven. 10:30pm, Monkey Show Playground-I danced harder until it led me to dean. I sat far away from him because I was ashamed of myself. Yet, he asked me. "Hey there what is your name?" And I answered pushing away all sobers. "Isadella." I lied my name.
High Attic next to monkey show playground-His friends and mine played poker in this attic where the stairs were steep. Again I distant myself from all friends only questioning their laughter and joy of poker. The alcohol made them ignored me.
I tried hard to peel out my eyes that were glued tight. I peeped through a small entry and I saw dean. Laughing and sitting at the edge of the Attic. His smile melts away the glue in my eyes. I pushed myself further to the edge of the hut. Just that spot right next to him. For a second I closed my eyes and I was in his arms. HE RESCUED ME from falling.
He sat me at a safe corner and again, I was in his arms. I took out the discman(back then was no mp3 season) and unanticipatedly the first song we listened was Dangerously in Love from Beyonce. The song seems to understand everything. *read the lyric and you'll understand why.
Dean secretly asked Fid for my number. At that moment I fell on the ground throwing up. Dean picked me up. He took out his black Nike t-shirt and put on me so I dun feel cold. I can still smell that hugo perfume. So hot! Nervously, he massage me and till now I can still hear those soft voices, "Ehhh....Be Strong, Jgn Ikutkan"
His friends decided to head to a haunted mansion and pleaded for us girls to follow. Yet dean insisted that we all go home. He sent me and my girlfriends from Palawan Beach all the way to Harbourfront interchange.
The journey out was amazing. I can still see everything so clearly. The amount of laughters he gave me woke me up to reality. It seems like we already known each other for years. It just seems right.
Most of all. Dean did not take advantage of me.
We chatted on phone the for 2 weeks before we meet up. Every dates I had with him was so magical. We never fought for almost 4 years plus in this relationship that led us ponder.
The funny and unexplainable part:
how come for many years I felt so shy being next to him. It just felt so innocent. He made me feel that way. Especially when he looked into my eyes and then looked down again because he is always shy. Maybe because of his modest attitude. He never boast about himself to make me attracted to him. Simply, HE IS THE MOST SIMPLE GUY I EVER MET IN MY LIFE. I had many guy friends but this was something so different. It felt like Love.
I can cry thinking about it now. The boy who saved my life when I had given up hope in life. funny dean can see the REAL in me eventhough i was in a state of a mess.
Where am I now without you awak?